I don't know why...

I don't know why this happens but every time I have completed a major project in one of my theology classes (this week it was an oral presentation in front of rolling cameras on the Book of Numbers) I can't get to sleep at a normal time for about three nights thereafter.  This is especially true when it feels as though I just haven't done enough to even get a passing grade yet I get kudos from the teacher or fellow classmates.  I think, on some level, I feel weird about receiving praise for something I've only coherently presented by the mere grace of God.  If it weren't for his divine assistance, I'd be a blabbering idiot. Everything I produce is because of Him.  I simply cannot take credit for any brilliance I may muster.

It is bothering me.

It is keeping me from getting to sleep.

I feel so inadequate and stoo-pid.

Ugh.  

Guess it's time to get on my knees and pray:  pray in thanksgiving,  pray for more help, pray for more grace.  

God is good!

If you trust in the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul that, even in the darkest of times, He will provide.  Ask and receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened.  Trusting in His providence, I have been boldly filial in my request of Him.  Fervent has been my prayer that He show me, in unmistakable ways, what his divine Will is for me and my family.  He has provided and He has shown us the path.  Just a few weeks after the layoff in a troubled economy, my husband has work.  Just a few weeks after the layoff, we have seen the blessing of my husband being released from a company that was more interested in its bottom line than the well being of our family.  Just a few weeks after the layoff, we have discovered the freedom that comes from letting go of temporal goods and unreasonable attitudes towards wealth and its accumulation.  Just a few weeks after the layoff we have come to understand how wonderful it is to have our family intact on a daily basis without the disruption of business travel.  Doors are opening everywhere.  Opportunities abound.  In all, we have recommitted ourselves to the notion that regardless of what we think we want, following God's plan is always spot on (silly us for thinking otherwise)!

God is Holy, God is Almighty, God is Wonderful; deserving of more praise than our feeble human hearts can possibly muster.

God is good!

As the deer longs...

"As the deer longs for flowing streams, so longs my soul for thee, O God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."  Psalm 42:1-2a, RSV-CE

God's answer to prayers may not be exactly as expected...

My husband had been out of town for a while on business and was required to be gone over the weekend.  It is difficult when he travels, but especially so when he is not here on Saturday and Sunday, our family and worship days, days when we grow together in the Lord.  As I was returning home from church after Mass, alone in my car, I began to feel a deep, wounding sadness.  I missed Carl.  I mourned the life that we were not experiencing together as a couple and as a family because his job requires him to be away many weeks out of the year.  In a deep, longing sigh, I asked the Lord to make our lives better.  The sacrifice my husband was making for the general welfare of our family was just too great, I said.  I implored God, in his infinite wisdom and abundant mercy, to make our lives better by allowing Carl to be at home with us more often.  I was thinking that maybe if he just didn't have to travel so often...

Today, out of the deep blue, my husband was laid off from his job that he has held for many years.  Shocked?  Yes.  Surprised?  No.  God has a way of granting requests, just not in the way you expect. 

God also is the giver of all good things and I truly believe in His divine providence.  We will be ok.  We will be more than ok.  I am so looking forward to having Carl home.  God indeed is good!